Student Discipline: A View into Empathy

Surprisingly, student discipline hearings have been some of my greatest sources of empathetic growth. Attending them gave me a different perspective on students, on the purpose of discipline, and on how to repair harm. In my first year as a district administrator in a large school district in Missouri, I sat in on several such hearings. That experience showed me that I needed to do a better job of getting to know those frequent visitors to the principal’s office—you know, those students who sometimes spend more time in the office than they do in class, the ones who no one can truly figure out. I wanted to learn more about their stories: how they landed in a disciplinary hearing, who took care of them at home, and what some of their strengths were in and outside of school. Because my role required me to spend a good bit of time in principals’ offices, as I waited to see the administrator, I would chat with any student who had been sent there. I would ask them how their day was going, what they were doing in the office, and what classes they were taking that semester. In time, I was able to build rapport with many of them.

Because I served 30 schools as a district administrator, the time I spent in each was necessarily limited. However, whenever I visited a school, I made a point of asking questions. I asked students, “What’s your favorite class this semester?” “What’s your favorite book?” “Do you help any younger siblings with homework?” I questioned teachers as well, inquiring, “How is the semester going for you?” “What students stand out in your classes this year?” “Is there anything I can do to help you with a struggling student that you know I have good rapport with?”

I also observed disciplinary interactions between administrators and students so I could better understand students’ needs and motivations and how their administrators worked to address those needs. In addition, I participated in lunch and hallway duty. Sometimes just being around enabled me to witness moments I would ­typically miss if I were just rushing in and out of meetings.